That’s right, it’s a joke.

I designed this mustard because I had some sous vide sous-b-q summer sausage and there was no Dijon in the pantry. I did have an abundance of mustard seeds, though, so I googled just to make sure I was on the right track, and made it like I knew what I was doing.

I then served some to my Pastor who had come to visit, and his comment was that it was hot and excellent. Good times.


  • Mustard seed, generic, 1 cup/225ml.
  • Water, 1 cup/225ml.
  • White vinegar/225ml.
  • Sugar, .5cup/100ml.
  • Salt to taste–2T./25ml.
  • White wine, generic, but not lousy, .5cup/110ml.
  • Salad oil, .5cup/110ml.

In a blender, grind the dry mustard. After thirty seconds, add the water and the vinegar, and continue to grind. No big deal, it will get smoother and smoother. Add the sugar, salt and the white wine. Add the oil. It should be so thick that the blender can’t really pull the oil down all the way. Turn off the blender and mix a little bit with a spatula or wooden spoon, blend again, and so forth.

The flavor is hottest immediately after processing, cools off a little after a couple of hours, and more so after 24. I don’t cure it or anything, that’s not how I roll.